Through Her Eyes…
by Charity Nelson
cold air. bright lights.
sound of my strangled cries.
firm hands. strange sights.
confusion, too many whys.
I see her lie in the isolette,
wondering when I will hold her yet,
feeling every ounce of regret,
that I don’t know her yet.
constant beeps. painful pokes.
sounds of whimpers of every note.
going under. dream white strokes.
this is the way of my story, He wrote.
there she sleeps constantly,
I wonder if she can hear me,
will she even know her mother-to-be?
does she know how much she’s loved, times three?
eyes open. can’t scream.
something covers my mouth, you see.
muffled voices. rapid beeps.
cover’s removed and I can breathe.
one moment she sleeps,
the next, her heart leaps,
so high but no one comes to see
that my baby girl is trying to breathe.
I watch in agony
as they fix the abnormality
she’s stable, he says
for now, I think.
because what will happen in a single blink?
I know that I must have faith,
but a mother can only take,
so much trauma with zero breaks,
and what of my baby?
just imagine her pain.
slow days pass, like lulling rain
pulses on my heart as I leave in pain,
my baby behind where I can’t remain
I just can’t wait to see her again
I had a baby but the loss is still great
as those first precious moments
where we create
a mutual love, a feeling innate
was taken from us both
so we’re forced to wait.
the day does come when I first hold her
no words can describe the emotions I shoulder
when I feel her tiny body in my hands
“mommy loves you so much,” I told her.
her eyes wide open, searching for mine
I believe she can hear me, a feeling so divine
my heart is filled with so much love
I am hers and she is mine.
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