Too many times have I experienced the feeling of not being a good enough mother. It eats away at me, gnawing on my heart and soul until I break down. It comes out in spurts, lashing out at the worst of times and making me feel even more terrible than I did before.
I wish I had more energy to spend with my son. But my energy levels deplete so fast, and I notice that when I’m hurting or feeling pain is when my patience is most thin, and I respond out of anger and frustration rather than love and patience.
It’s a difficult battle. I know I’m not the only mom who struggles.
But it feels good to talk about it. I’m not ashamed to say that I absolutely can’t wait until I’m no longer pregnant. I can’t wait to have the strength to pick up my son again and not have my big belly in the way to where I can’t hold him. All I want to do is hold him. I can’t wait to have the energy to start teaching him again. Teach him new words, new tricks, and help him discover new things. I thrive on this, and I know he does too. I hate that I don’t have the energy to do this with him.
Everything I try to do nowadays depletes my energy so fast. It’s a struggle to simply walk. Even while sitting, my body aches and my Braxton Hicks cease to let up. I cringe away if my son tries to climb on top of me while on the couch. Just the skin of my stomach, while stretched so taut, is extremely sensitive and hurts when touched.
I just miss my son. I miss being a good mom. I know that I’m in a sensitive spot right now as my body is working overtime to bring another soul into the world. But man do us mamas sacrifice quite a bit to make it happen.
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